Van Helsing S01 EP01 & EP02 – Bad Vampires Review

SyFy Van Helsing ImageRating 2/5 – Wow did the fight scenes suck on this one but there were some really interesting ideas.  Here’s a show that got a SyFy movie budget.  No seriously, when you live in a world of people putting on spectacular shit using a Go Pro, Premiere and After Effect, you can’t just throw a show out there and don’t put more than $100 into special effects.  Because the vampires kinda sucked too.   We weren’t in A-list acting territory either.   The characters seemed to serve the plot rather than feel natural in the choices they make.  There’s also a serious lack of explanation, characters who go missing because they’re waiting for the “please rescue me” episode, and big bads who did not seem to have a coherent plan.    This show is a bit of a mess in many places, but, as I mentioned before, this show had some really interesting ideas going for it.  Let’s discuss.

Episode 01 – Help Me

We do a start in the middle thing as the show opens.   There’s a dark haired woman lying on a table in what looks like a beat up hospital, when suddenly the worse looking vampires ever bust in saying something like “we must have her.”   You know their vampires because they hiss and have blood around their mouths and. . .okay, I just kinda thought they were vampires.  They looked more like reject from a straight to digital zombie movie.   One of them bites the woman’s neck and gets sick and falls out while the other two stand around hissing.  As the other two attack the woman wakes up and beats them senseless then starts over stabbing one.  Cut to earlier.  The woman is laying on the table while a soldier watches over her and is feeding another caged vampire his own blood.   He is in a bunker that is later revealed to be an old hospital when people com knocking on the door.  He refuses to let them in when it’s revealed that one of the people is a commanding officer.  A short really bad fight between more really bad vampires happens, the people get in and are wondering about the woman on the table.  One of the men in the group complains his wife didn’t make it and wants to go back out into the wasteland filled with vampires to find her.   Yes that’s a conflict.   Someone lets the vampires in, some of the people get bitten and turned and the first scene happens again.  The woman wakes up and does not remember how she got there but remembers she has a daughter and she to wants to go outside to find her.   There’s more fights, a twist, and, well no one gets out.  So it looks like the series about a great vampire hunter it going to be stuck in one location.  Oh, and the woman is immune to the vampire bite and heals almost as soon as she gets a cut.

Episode 2 – Seen You

Van Helsing Vampire ImageIt’s three years earlier and the woman on the slab is giving blood to get some money.   She’s with her young daughter and her name, I kid you not, is Vanessa Helsing.   (Yeah, real subtle that one.)   Her blood is stolen by another vampire and at this time there is no vampire apocalypse.  Meanwhile there’s a two Russian (I think) vampires leading the group whose waiting for the vampire that stole the blood in what looks like an abandoned apartment building.  They’re trying to be all European and scary but they come off as cheesy.   The vampire returns only something turn him human.   Meanwhile in a plot deux ex machina stolen form Dante’s Peak and Volcano there’s a volcano erupting over Las Angeles and the ash is covering the skies.   I bet you can guess where that is going.  Only the one volcano ash thing has triggered the vampire apocalypse.   Why is one volcano in one state in one country causing the world to go to shit?   Who knows.   Vanessa is attacked and presumed killed.    They have her in the hospital where the doctor, whose not a vampire yet, is examining the body only to find out all the wounds are healed and Venessa isn’t as dead as they thought.  She reports it to her friend how is under some kind of military lock down, then a bunch of soldiers show up one of which is the guy from the first episode.   They want to know more about the strange body.   Vampire attacks, gun fire, and boom, we leave off pretty much were we started in the first episode, except the vampire who bit the unconscious Vanessa earlier is now human.

Okay, I’m Sorry

This isn’t a good show.  I admit that.   I talked about the acting and the bad action – and seriously if people like the thing SyFy needs to put a little bit more into the fight coordinator budget – but I forgot about the bad set designs and the really bad plot.    I’m not compelled to watch the show and the only reason why I got to the 2nd episode was because they came on back-to-back.    The good ideas I mentioned?  Why Vanessa is immune, her healing and the trapped in the one building feeling.  The problem is it’s surrounded by plot holes and too many question to be answered.  And not good questions.   Like, where was the daughter when dead mom was brought in.  Why didn’t the soldier simply explain to Vanessa why she was in the hospital and what was going on?  Why do they dump the vampire bodies in a box in the hallway?    How did Mt St whatever the fuck it was cause the entire world to go vamp practically overnight?   There’s going to be a ton of TV coming on and I have to get to the movies to see Denzil’s latest so I’m not going to spend any more time on this except to say if you liked let me know why.





I'm from Brooklyn New York and this is my opinion on everything.